


a dirty job: the complete transcript

by lemonlee, singedhands



Series: a dirty job au [1]
Category: A Dirty Job - Christopher Moore, IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Because Why Not!, Bisexual Ben Hanscom, Bisexual Beverly Marsh, Canadian Losers, Dark Comedy, Fellas Is It Gay To Raise A Baby Together, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Grim Reapers, Multi, Social Media AU Transcript
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29009769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonlee/pseuds/lemonlee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/singedhands/pseuds/singedhands
Summary: Next to his sister's hospital bed, Richie sees a woman in black. Crows start following him and his niece around Vancouver. He gets a text from someone claiming to be Satan, and with a job offer: Death.And somebody's got to do it.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris
Series: a dirty job au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2131677
Kudos: 4





	a dirty job: the complete transcript

**Author's Note:**

> This is a transcript of ["A Dirty Job AU"](https://twitter.com/adirtyjobau) on Twitter! It will be updated as we go along. If you would want to read in real-time, come join us!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Contacts Directory**  
>  insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ : Margaret for Richie  
> billaford 📚 : Bill for Richie  
> eds 🍝 ‼️: Eddie for Richie  
> the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 : Ben for Richie  
> mikey poo 🌻 : Mike for Richie  
> Itchy 🤓 🧀 : Richie for Margaret  
> momma mags 🌦️ : Maggie for Richie  
> boogie woogie 🎥 : Went for Richie  
> Rich: Richie for Eddie  
> Bill 📝 : Bill for Ben  
> amira the boss 🥇 : Amira for Richie  
> Eddie 🏡 : Eddie for Ben

_"And we’re closing out with_ This is Radio Clash _by― you guessed it― the Clash. Thanks for joining all of us here for Throwback Thursday. This is Richie Tozier, and there will be no encore for this rock show at 84.5 DEXP."  
_

* * *

**insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️  
Margaret: **hope you started dinner without me  
**Richie:** uhhh yes because i'm a good brother  
but why are you asking  
**Margaret:** i'm on a date  
**Richie:** OH?  
**Margaret:** i just wanted to let you know so you don't think i got kidnapped  
**Richie:** that's only 1% funny  
**Margaret:** funny of you to try and tell me how to be funny  
**Richie:** hilarious  
hysterical  
just text me when you're home  
**Margaret:** i will be doing no such thing  
**Richie:** oh  
oh lmao  
well have fun be safe use protection  
**Margaret:** shut up richie  
love you  
**Richie:** love you too

 **the zodiac is a 5'7 bisexual man  
****billaford 📚 :** well i think it's a good idea  
**eds 🍝 ‼️:** Yeah but it means I need to build a bookshelf  
**the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 :** Oh no not a bookshelf wherever will we get one **  
richie: 🤨  
eds 🍝 ‼️: **I am fully capable of building something thank you very much **  
****mikey poo 🌻 :** Didn't it take you like four hours to build that Ikea TV stand?  
**eds 🍝 ‼️:** Do I look fucking Swedish to you  
**richie:** it has instructions in english???  
**billaford 📚 :** this is eddiespeak for "i threw out the instructions and couldnt be assed to go and get them again when i realized i needed them"  
**the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 :** 😗  
**eds 🍝 ‼️:** Fuck off Bill  
And Ben  
**the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 :** 🤭  
**eds 🍝 ‼️:** ALSO I got it put together in the end thank you very much  
But anyway I can just get a secondhand shelf or whatever  
**richie:** sure sure yeah ikea doesn't fit the vibe  
**eds 🍝 ‼️:** Get off my ass  
**richie:** no :)  
**eds 🍝 ‼️: 🖕🏼  
****mikey poo 🌻 :** Actually I think I have a spare one laying around somewhere at the shop  
I can bring it by 😌  
**eds 🍝 ‼️:** Oh that's great actually  
Mike you're my only friend now  
**richie:** after everything we've been through 🥲  
**the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 :** Guess I'm not making dinner tonight then  
Richie are you still not able to make it :/  
**richie:** actually my sister is busy getting some 🍆 so i will be able to bless you with my presence  
**eds 🍝 ‼️:** NO  
**billaford 📚 :** actually don't come  
**the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 :** We didn't need to know that thanks  
**mikey poo 🌻 :** Bring wine

* * *

**Rich  
****Richie:** any requests  
**Eddie:** Aren't you working?  
**Richie:** yep that's why i'm asking for requests  
are you listening  
**Eddie:** Obviously  
But you don't have a request slot  
**Richie:** this is specifically an eddie kaspbrak request line at your service  
as well as any other services ;)))  
**Eddie:** 😐  
Surprise me  
**Richie:** that's not how requests work  
are you organizing  
**Eddie:** Per usual  
**Richie:** you took too long i picked for you  
give it a minute  
**Eddie:** Oh haha  
**Richie:** if you don't decide i am always going to pick cutting crew and that's just the way them apples be babe  
**Eddie:** You're lucky it's a good song or else I'd be personally walking into the studio to throttle you  
**Richie:** hot  
thanks for listening though  
**Eddie:** Number one fan over here  
**Richie:** i think margaret has you beat  
**Eddie:** She doesn't listen to the show and you know it  
**Richie:** why am i surrounded by liars

* * *

**Itchy 🤓 🧀  
Margaret: **hey are you busy  
**Richie:** if watching my leftovers in the microwave counts  
whats wrong  
**Margaret:** okay i have to tell you something but you have to promise me not to tell mom and dad  
**Richie:** this makes me want to do nothing but tell them  
**Margaret:** i'll end you  
do you work later?  
**Richie:** no i'm off  
seriously are you okay??  
**Margaret:** do you think you could drive me to the doctor in about an hour  
**Richie:** for what??????  
**Margaret:** do you remember that date i had a few weeks ago  
**Richie:** yeah????  
you said you liked him???  
**Margaret:** i mean that's not the exact words i used  
we haven't spoken since  
**Richie:** ah another victim of the classic margaret ghosting (trademark pending)  
**Margaret:** maybe so  
but  
well  
okay i think i might be pregnant

 _Incoming call from:_ **Itchy 🤓 🧀**

* * *

**toasters 🍞 👨 👩 👧 👦  
momma mags 🌦️ : **Did we pick a place yet?  
**richie:** lmao  
**boogie woogie 🎥 :** What Was The Place You Two Were Talking About?  
**insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ :** we talked about lots of places  
we can always pick when you guys land  
**richie:** i'm fine with pizza  
**insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ :** of course you are  
**richie:** wow what's wrong with pizza  
**insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ :** i just think mom and dad will want something else after a six hour flight  
**momma mags 🌦️ :** Five and a half!  
Only three hours and forty five minutes to go!  
**boogie woogie 🎥 :** The In Flight Wifi Sucks Ass  
**insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ : 😐  
****richie:** that's air canada for you  
anyway fresh slice is good  
**insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ :** it's really not  
**boogie woogie 🎥 :** I'm Fine With Fresh Slice 🤠  
**insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ :** we aren't going to fresh slice dad  
**richie:** we'll just pick when you get here whatever  
**momma mags 🌦️ :** Is Eddie coming? 😄  
**richie:** why would he be coming  
**momma mags 🌦️ :** We haven't seen him in a long time!!  
**richie:** okay??  
**insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ :** 🤔  
**momma mags 🌦️ :** You know we'd be more than happy to have him if you want to invite him  
**boogie woogie 🎥 :** If He Isn't Busy  
**richie:** ugh  
fine  
my commercial break is almost over bye  
margaret you're still picking me up right  
**insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ :** no you can walk  
jk see you when you're done  
**momma mags 🌦️ :** Love you!! Give Piper a kiss for me 💕 💕

 **eds 🍝 ‼️  
Richie: **hi  
**Eddie:** What happened to not having your phone anymore during the show?  
**Richie:** commercial break bozo  
**Eddie:** Well I fucking knew that  
**Richie:** mhm fake fan  
**Eddie:** But what's up?  
**Richie:** If you're free my mom and dad want you to get dinner with all of us when they land  
**Eddie:** Really??  
**Richie:** i was just as surprised  
**Eddie:** Har har  
But sure  
They land at 6?  
**Richie:** correct  
**Eddie:** It's been slow so I can probably get some pre-closing done  
Ben has a date tonight  
**Richie:** sure mention that casually without saying anything  
**Eddie:** He never says anything about them anymore so  
**Richie:** i wonder if its because ben is still sensitive from having his six year relationship end and then seeing ethan with a new guy the next week  
**Eddie: 😬  
****Richie:** and is still reeling from egging ethan's car  
which you helped with  
**Eddie:** Fuck Ethan  
**Richie:** i didn't say you were wrong  
but margaret's picking me up so we'll come by and get you?  
**Eddie:** Sounds good  
See you then?  
**Richie:** you got it buckaroo

 **momma mags 🌦️  
Maggie: **Hi Richie, have you heard from your sister?  
I tried calling and she didn't answer  
Your dad has tried too  
**Richie:** i haven't  
but i'm just finishing up the show right now so i can try?  
**Maggie:** No worries  
I'll try again too

 **insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️  
Richie: **hey call me back when you get a chance?  
or mom  
hopefully traffic isn't too bad

 **Richie:** did you hear the show earlier  
i played our song

 **Richie:** hey so i've been waiting for like half an hour  
did i do something to piss you off??  
you're right on my ass if i do  
if i did i'm sorry

 **Richie:** i love you  
and piper too  
can you give me some sign of life please

 **Rich  
****Eddie:** Hey I'm done closing  
Are you on your way?

 **Eddie:** That person whose show is right after you played the Smiths  
I know you hate that

 **Eddie:** Richie?

 **Richie:** hi i'm so sorry but can you please come get me i'm still at the station  
**Eddie:** I thought Margaret was supposed to come get you?  
**Richie:** can i call you

 **1130 News Vancouver  
****@1130News  
**6:45 #VANCOUVER Collision has Granville Street blocked between Granville and Smithe. Police and Fire crew on scene. Alternate route advised until future notice tonight.  
_6:54pm · 11/07/19  
_472 Retweets · 709 Likes

 **Bill 📝  
****Bill:** are you awake still  
**Ben:** How could I not be  
**Bill:** just checking  
eddie called  
**Ben:** Shit  
**Bill:** they're at the hospital with maggie and went  
it isn't looking good  
**Ben:** Does Richie want us there??  
**Bill:** i don't think so  
eddie didn't say anything but i don't think richie is doing great  
**Ben:** What about Piper?  
**Bill:** she's totally fine  
just a few scrapes  
a stitch or two  
**Ben:** I can't stop pacing  
**Bill:** me neither  
you can come over if it'd help  
mike and i aren't gonna sleep tonight i think  
**Ben:** If you don't mind that'd be great  
**Bill:** of course i don't mind  
**Ben:** See you in a bit

* * *

_2 Missed Calls from:_ **the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄  
****billaford 📚 :** hey man if you need anything let us know  
**mikey poo 🌻 :** I love you, Richie

 **eds 🍝 ‼️** **  
Eddie:** I'm bringing you a bagel from the coffee shop across the street  
**Richie:** i'm not hungry  
**Eddie:** I'll stuff it down your throat then  
You need to eat  
**Richie:** did you even get coffee  
**Eddie:** I got you the biggest size they had  
**Richie:** oh thanks  
  
**Richie:** eddie can you please come back  
it's margaret please come back

* * *

**Unknown (online)** **  
Unknown:** hey, is this richie? _(7:06pm ✔️✔️ )_ **  
****Richie:** whatever you're selling i don't want it _(7:22pm ✔️✔️ )  
_**Unknown:** i'm not selling anything  
it's bev from the hospital _(7:35pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** oh so i didn't hallucinate that _(7:37pm ✔️✔️ )  
_**Unknown:** nope  
did you think about what i said? _(7:38pm ✔️✔️ )  
_**Richie:** honestly no i fucking didn't  
i've been busy with  
you know my sister being dead  
which you were there for _(7:41pm ✔️✔️ )  
_**Unknown:** i'm really sorry, richie _(7:42pm ✔️✔️ )  
_**Richie:** get in line _(7:46pm ✔️✔️ )_ **  
****Unknown:** i don't mean to be insensitive but it's just that the job offer needs an answer _(7:49pm ✔️✔️ )  
_**Richie:** right now???? _(7:55pm ✔️✔️ )  
_**Unknown:** i understand if you need some time to think about it. it's a big lifestyle change _(7:56pm ✔️✔️ )_ _ **  
**_**Richie:** i'm honestly fucking shocked _(8:02pm ✔️✔️ )  
_**Unknown:** trust me i understand. i'm really sorry for your loss  
we'll be in touch soon. again i'm sorry _(8:03pm ✔️✔️ )  
_**Richie:** thanks i think _(8:10pm ✔️✔️ )  
_

* * *

**In Loving Memory of  
** **Margaret Tozier  
** **1989-2019**

 **FUNERAL SERVICES:  
**17 July, 2019  
Glenhaven Memorial Chapel  
Vancouver, BC

·  
  
**OBITUARY**  
Margaret Tozier (30) was born on 21 March, 1989 to Margaret and Wentworth Tozier in Toronto, Ontario. She was immediately adored by her family and friends for her independent, fiery attitude. Deep down, Margaret still had the soft, gentle heart that the Tozier family had been known for.

At age nine, Margaret discovered her passion for music in her orchestra class. She began to play the cello and nurtured her natural talents over the course of nine more years. Margaret received a full-ride scholarship to the Berklee College of Music in Boston, MA to pursue a Master's Degree in Music Education.

After graduating, Margaret moved to Vancouver to open her own school of music. She channeled her loving nature to help children find their love for music, just as she had. Margaret was adored by her students and many kept in touch with her as they grew up. From time to time, she performed with the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra.

Margaret is survived by her parents, Margaret and Wentworth; her older brother, Richard; daughter, Piper, and countless other friends.

* * *

**redrumrecordshop** We're sorry for the short notice, but we'll be closed today and tomorrow.  
144 comments · 258 likes  
_July 17, 2019_

 **boogie woogie 🎥  
Richie: **hi dad  
you and mom doing okay?  
**Went:** Good Morning  
We're Doing Okay  
Piper's Having Breakfast Then We'll Be On Our Way  
**Richie:** you guys don't have to be here early  
i can handle it  
**Went:** We'll Be Okay  
We'll Get Through It Together ❤️  
**Richie:** sure thing  
let me know when you're on your way  
or if you need anything  
**Went:** You Too  
Love You Richie  
**Richie:** love you too

 **the zodiac is a 5'7 bisexual man  
Richie: **is everyone doing okay  
**the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 :** As well as we can be, bud  
**mikey poo 🌻 :** You doing alright?  
**Richie:** i'm fine  
**billaford 📚 :** we're gonna be there early if that's okay  
**Richie:** you don't need to  
**mikey poo 🌻 :** Well we want to  
**Richie:** if it's too much i understand  
**the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 :** Richie  
We're going to be there  
**Richie:** just let me know when you're on your way then  
eddie and i are leaving in a few

 **Rich  
Eddie:** Where'd you go?  
**Richie:** i don't think i can do this  
i don't want to go up there and talk about my sister and how she's dead and we'll never see her again  
**Eddie:** You don't have to  
**Richie:** no i do is the thing  
my mom and dad can't do that  
so i have to  
**Eddie:** They'd understand  
**Richie:** i can't have them put up with more than they already have  
**Eddie:** Where are you  
**Richie:** the hallway  
**Eddie:** Can I come out there with you?  
**Richie:** yeah

 **momma mags 🌦️  
Richie: **are you sure you want to have piper for another night  
i really don't mind  
**Maggie:** I promise it's okay  
Just have a quiet night  
Today was a lot  
**Richie:** mom it was hard for you and dad i don't want to put any more stress on you  
**Maggie:** You aren't  
Just go back with Eddie  
And we'll see you tomorrow for the meeting with the lawyer, okay? Get some rest  
**Richie:** okay  
i love you  
**Maggie:** I love you too ❤️

* * *

**Rich  
****Richie:** thanks for the coffee  
i'm sorry for leaving so quickly though  
**Eddie:** It's really okay  
**Richie:** i don't know why they moved the meeting up  
**Eddie:** Rich it's okay I promise  
**Eddie, unsent:** I just thought maybe we could talk about last night  
I wanted to say it's okay if you kissed me again  
**Eddie:** Just let me know how it goes?  
**Richie:** sure thing eds

 **momma mags 🌦️  
Maggie: **Richie honey are you alright?  
**Richie:** why would she do that  
how could she make that decision  
as if she knew  
**Maggie:** You two have always been close. And you've helped her so much with Piper  
**Richie:** not enough to be her guardian jesus fucking christ  
sorry  
**Maggie:** It's okay. We've gone through a lot this past week, haven't we?  
**Richie:** yeah  
i'm sorry  
for running off like that  
**Maggie:** I was surprised too. But honey if you would feel more comfortable with your dad and I taking her we can. You don't have to do this  
**Richie:** no no i  
i want to  
i'm just  
surprised  
**Maggie:** That's okay  
Do I need to come in there?  
**Richie:** i'll be out in a second  
i didn't want to throw up on their fancy carpet  
**Maggie:** We're here when you're ready

* * *

**amira the boss 🥇  
****Amira:** Hey, Richie. I'm not going to ask how you're doing because I know the answer is probably not great  
But I just wanted to check in  
**Richie:** oh hi  
i'm okay  
i was actually gonna text you  
**Amira:** Yeah? Everything okay?  
**Richie:** i was gonna say i can come back next week  
my parents are going home tomorrow so  
**Amira:** You know you don't have to. I want you to take all the time you need. We have everything taken care of here  
**Richie:** no i know and i really appreciate that  
i just think i'm ready  
**Amira:** Okay. I trust you  
But if you change your mind and need some more time it's okay  
**Richie:** i'll let you know  
see you monday?  
**Amira:** Bright and early, Tozier 😊

* * *

**momma mags 🌦️  
****Maggie:** Are you sure you're okay with us going?  
**Richie:** mom you are literally on the other side of the gate  
**Maggie:** It's never too late to turn back  
**Richie:** it's really okay  
**Maggie:** I just want to make sure you'll be alright  
Your dad and I can move out here  
**Richie:** please don't do that on my account  
i'm the one who moved across the country  
**Maggie:** I know. I do miss you  
**Richie:** i'll be fine  
**Maggie:** You know you don't have to be fine, sweetheart. I'm not and neither is your dad  
None of us have to be  
**Richie:** i know  
i love you  
**Maggie:** We love you too  
We'll call when we land 💗

* * *

**Eddie 🏡  
****Ben:** I'm just saying I can handle working on my own. I've been doing it for awhile if you remember  
**Eddie:** Of course I remember. I'm just saying you don't have to  
**Ben:** Look I'm gonna be honest  
You really did me a solid letting me work with you when I quit my job. And I love it here so much and I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough  
**Eddie:** Ben  
**Ben:** But the fact of the matter is that Richie needs you  
**Eddie:** He needs all of us  
**Ben:** Of course, and we're all going to be here for him and Piper. But you and I both know Richie specifically needs you  
**Eddie:** I guess so  
**Ben:** And you can't do it from the shop  
**Eddie:** I could  
**Ben:** You could but you won't because you have me  
**Eddie:** Okay fine  
But call if you need anything  
**Ben:** I'll text you. I promise it's gonna be fine  
I haven't let you down so far have I? 😬  
**Eddie:** No of course not  
I'm sorry  
**Ben:** Don't be  
It's gonna be hard for awhile but that's why we all have each other  
**Eddie:** You're right  
**Ben:** I'll remember you said that  
**Eddie:** Very funny  
But seriously I am right upstairs so if you need anything tell me  
**Ben:** I've been around the block a few times, Eddie. If I can't figure it out I'll let you know

 **Now Playing on 84.5 DEXP:** _Never Tear Us Apart_ by INXS

 **Rich  
****Eddie:** I heard the song you played earlier  
**Richie:** hello eddie  
i've played many songs  
**Eddie:** You played that INXS song you always listen to when you're sad even though you aren't hosting the throwback slot today  
**Richie:** who are you calling a throwback slot  
**Eddie: 🧍🏻  
****Richie:** i just like the song  
**Eddie:** Okay Rich  
Is the rest of the day going okay?  
**Richie:** besides the whole everyone giving me pitying looks? yeah sure  
i could light the station on fire right now and they'd forgive me  
**Eddie:** Maybe they, I don't know, care about you  
**Richie:** sounds suspicious  
**Eddie:** You're literally the main host there? The fuck?  
**Richie:** i love it when you call me that  
**Eddie:** Quiet  
**Richie:** how's the little lady  
**Eddie:** Good. She's asleep right now  
**Richie:** has she been treating you well  
**Eddie:** As if Piper could ever do a mean thing in her life  
**Richie:** i dunno one time she threw up on me  
**Eddie:** That's what babies do  
**Richie:** now she's gonna throw up on you  
**Eddie:** If this is your way of saying thank you it's really fucked up  
**Richie:** you know i'd be a lot nicer  
**Eddie:** You? Nice?  
**Richie:** eds you didn't have to do this for me but you did and i really appreciate that  
**Eddie:** You don't actually need to thank me  
**Richie:** of course i do  
**Eddie:** Well I suppose you're welcome  
See you in a bit?  
**Richie:** yeah i'll bring back dinner

**TO DO**

  * Email Ben this week's shipments
  * Groceries @ some point???
  * Help get a follow up appointment for Piper
  * They make handbooks for everything right?? Is there a handbook for helping a loved one that's grieving?? And is raising their niece?? Richie is a dad now right?
  * Don't coddle & hover & be too much ~~don't be like your mom~~ ~~~~



* * *

**Now Playing on 84.5 DEXP:** _Never Tear Us Apart_ by INXS

 **amira the boss 🥇  
Amira: **How's it going?  
**Richie:** i wanted to talk to you

* * *

**Unknown (online)  
****Unknown:** Richard Tozier? _(2:40pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** if this is bev we've already had this conversation _(2:46pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** No this isn't Bev _(2:49pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** oh sorry _(2:51pm **✔️✔️** )_  
**Unknown:** But this is Richard? _(2:52pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** it's richie but sure  
you know bev? _(2:54pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** You could say that. She told me you needed to think about what she told you at the hospital a couple days ago _(2:56pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** yeah and _(3:00pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** I'm going to need to ask for an answer. _(3:01pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** who is this _(3:03pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** Her supervisor _(3:04pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** well mr supervisor it's a no from me _(3:06pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** That's what I thought you'd say. Look, Richie, I don't typically give extensions and I know you're going through a loss right now but I don't think Bev really explained it to you properly _(3:06pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** you asked for an answer and i said no so kindly fuck off _(3:08pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** 🤦🏻 It's not usually an offer _(3:09pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** well it was for me so no thanks _(3:09pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** Okay here's the deal: since you saw what you saw I can't just let you go about your life knowing what we do _(3:11pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** ah you're gonna threaten to kill me _(3:12pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** What no?? What the fuck I'm not gonna threaten to kill you  
I'm just saying we can help each other out _(3:12pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** shouldn't this be bev's problem _(_ _3:15pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** Forget about Bev for a second, okay? Bev's been at this for so long she probably doesn't give a shit about recruiting anymore. I can be a sympathetic person and that's why I'm trying to be nice even though it's nearly impossible for me. I'm not asking you to drop everything and leave your job and your boyfriend and your niece _(3:15pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** i'm not even going to correct you _(3:18pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** But you've already been seeing shit right? It's already been done. You weren't supposed to see Bev at all. No one is supposed to see someone get reaped. That's the whole point _(3:19pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** and this is supposed to make me change my mind? what the fuck _(3:20pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** Because people don't usually have a choice _(3:20pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** what am i so special for then _(3:20pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** You're not. Bev must have felt sorry for you _(3:20pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** fuckin awesome thanks _(3:23pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** You don't have to give anything up. If anything it's a favor _(3:23pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** i don't even know who you are _(3:25pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** You wouldn't believe me  
But how about a free trial? _(3:26pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** this isn't fucking amazon prime _(3:26pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** You'll make enough money in the trial month to pay for Piper's university in cash. _(3:29pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** what _(3:29pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** I know you make a comfortable amount but you wouldn't have to worry about her _(3:30pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** don't talk about her _(3:30pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** Fine. But reap for a month and see how you feel, then maybe we can renegotiate _(3:31pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** why do i feel like i'm making a deal with the devil _(3:32pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** lol _(3:32pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** fine _(3:33pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** Cool. I'll email you the paperwork _(3:33pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** there's fucking paperwork to be a grim reaper? _(3:34pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** Uh yes? _(3:34pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** whatever  
can i tell eddie _(3:35pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** I don't really care _(3:35pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Richie:** cool _(3:36pm ✔️✔️ )_  
**Unknown:** I'll send those forms then. You start next week  
Nice having you, Richie _(3:37pm ✔️✔️ )_

* * *

**Reapers Support Anonymous**  
_July 18, 2019, 3:46pm_

NEW SUBMISSION:

"Hi everyone. Last week my girlfriend came home after learning that one of her best friends died. They had been friends since elementary school and he suddenly passed away in his sleep and they were all supposed to hang out together when they got the call about his passing. 

When she came home she clearly had a lot on her mind. All I could really do is just be there for her as much as I could be. We’ve been together for about seven years so she means everything to me. Anyway, she had been disappearing at night randomly and not able to have an explanation. I was doing my best to be understanding since this is a really hard time for her, but I was starting to feel that maybe I couldn’t help her with what she was going through; not because I didn’t want to but because she didn’t want me to know what was going on.

She finally told me that she had been offered the job as a Reaper. I had only heard about it through forums and groups like this one, but I didn’t actually think it was real. 

I just don’t really know how to wrap my head around this, or to even begin to understand why she’s decided to do this. I love her so much and I don’t want to give up on our relationship just because I don’t understand. Any tips are helpful. Thank you in advance."


End file.
